I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
