i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
