she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
