Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
