"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
