Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
