You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My pussy is not your playground.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
