i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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