Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
