I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
