a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
