U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
