I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
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mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
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he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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