Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
