what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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