I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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