I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
