dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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