So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
