this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
