i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How does it feel to date your dad?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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