like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
