the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
