Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
