do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
