You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Me too!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
