Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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