Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize