my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
