i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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