I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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