i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
