Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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