My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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