He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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