I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
