I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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