Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
