if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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