she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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