It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
