whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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