As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
