apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
