i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
