so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
