his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
