I'm so fucking centered right now
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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