I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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