I hate your face
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
