peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
