I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
