I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He passed out mid-signature
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Holy sore nipples Batman
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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