I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize