Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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