Don't you send me to vm
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
