We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
