Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
