lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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