her vagine was all disorganized.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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