My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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