Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
