my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
