Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
