I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
