Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
