i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
