Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
