sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
