Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize