Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
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Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
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I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
is it fun? or sober?
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