six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
